THE PARIS LETTER: When the heck are things open around here?

Bear with me, because this may be a little bit of a rant. But - when are things open around here??

I've lived here for two years now, and I still don't know. Every week I seem to head out on an errand only to find the shop/market/office is closed, and I'll have to come back. The French system, even in Paris, still functions on a closed-on-Sunday/closed-for-lunch mentality that to an American feels completely alien and bizarre.

I will give you some examples of the pitfalls in my weekly shopping routine: I live next door to a big supermarket, Monoprix, which I think of as kind of a combination of Whole Foods and Target. Blessedly, they are open every day except Sunday. They don't, however, sell some things  - good bread and good cheese, for example, or olives, whole bean coffee, cilantro, whole wheat flour, peanut butter, or oatmeal - so these necessitate a trip to the nearby covered market, boulangerie, coffee roaster, and natural foods store. Additionally, I'll often throw in a trip to the butcher or fishmonger - though you can get meat and fish at Monoprix, they don't have a large selsction - and then, of course, the caviste for some interesting wine. And, as I've mentioned in a previous post, any over the counter drugs or prescriptions necessitate a trip to the Pharmacie.

Okay, so already that's a little complicated. Fortunately, all of these places are within a 15 minute walk of my house - though, tragically, not all are within the SAME 15 minute walk. The market is in one direction; the coffee shop, pharmacie, and natural foods store are in the opposite direction, the best butcher and fishmonger are in still a third direction...you get the idea. With the baby now, I do the majority of my shopping next door at Monoprix because I just do not have this kind of time.

Because its not just the endless shopping, its planning WHEN you can actually get things. The covered market, where I can get cheese, olives, cilantro and other specialty veggies, and good wine and beer, is not open on Mondays, and is closed Tuesday through Friday from 1PM to 4PM. It IS open on Sunday morning until 1PM, though generally a madhouse as the French shop for their Sunday lunch.

Every boulangerie has its own schedule of closures. Most are closed on Sunday and one other random day that must be memorized, though some are open on Sunday and then closed two other days. Of the three closest to me, one is closed Saturday and Sunday, one is open Sunday but closed Thursday, one is closed Sunday and Wednesday -you get the idea.

In addition, many stores that are open on Sunday morning are then closed all day on Monday, making Monday an unofficial third weekend day in Paris. Some of these stores ARE open Monday, but only after lunch, from 3PM-7PM, say.

And this doesn't include the various government offices that become part of your daily life in this welfare state. These function according to a complex system of national holidays that are completely different than the holidays in the US, and include Catholic holidays that Matt and I had to look up on Wikipedia  to understand: Ascension Day and Pentecost, for example. But really, these days are just like their equivalents in the US (Presidents Day and Columbus Day come to mind) - excuses for people to take a three-or-four day weekend. Often, if the holiday itself is on a Wednesday or Thursday, businesses will "faire le pont" or, literally, "make the bridge" - taking off the Thursday or Friday or both to give the workers a long weekend, where they can all go to their family country houses and snipe at their relatives. And many government offices have extremely abbreviated hours on a week with one of these holidays in it ...

Finally, the French school holiday calendar makes up for its relatively short summer break with periodic two week breaks during the school year, usually one in October and one in February/March. During these times, businesses could close down, people will be out of the office, and things will just generally slow down. Oh, and don't forget AUGUST, when everyone goes on vacation - some for the whole month, some just for two weeks - but not the same two weeks ....

Whew, okay, rant over. I have to stop now so I can get the shopping done in the twenty minutes everything will be open!

THE PARIS LETTER: How to Navigate the Pharmacie

I don't think I've written a post on la Pharmacie, which is amazing considering how much time I spend there. Our little Paris family is entering its second week of illness, a terrible cold that's been ping-ponging around the three members of our household, and thus the Pharmacie has been on my mind, and on my daily shopping route when I've been able to leave the house.

When I first moved to Paris, the Pharmacie was a very intimidating place for me. There are no American-style drugstores in France, where you can browse the aisles and the aspirin and laxatives are self-service. This means that all drugs, including aspirin, are kept behind the counter and must be requested from the pharmacist - challenging if you don't speak the language. Additionally, most of the basic medications have different names in France, and it can be very hard to navigate what you need for even the most routine symptoms. I still come home with a strange medication about once a week- at least they're relatively cheap.

I've grown to love my pharmacie, though, and now that the ladies there know me and Sophia, its a wonderful place to go - they're always very sweet to her, and give good basic medical advice. They're part of the people in my neighborhood, just like my cheese guys and my favorite butcher, and I trust them. HOWEVER, the last thing you want to do in a foreign country when you're sick is have a long conversation in another language, so I'm going to give you my tips on what I've learned:

DOLIPRANE (Dollypran) is your best bet for a basic pain reliever/fever reducer. My personal favorite is Doliprane 1000mg, or Doliprane "Mille". The pharmacist may ask if you want it "A Avaler (ah ahvahlay) or "Effervescent" - avaler means "to swallow" in French, so this is the pill form, and the other is fizzing water soluble disc, like Alka-Seltzer. You can also get Doliprane in 200mg and 500mg forms.

DOLIPRANE ENFANTS - This is children's Tylenol, and is sold as a pink liquid dispensed by a dropper - similar, I think, to how its done in the US. However, because this is Europe, the weight is in kilograms - so multiply your child's weight in pounds by 2 to get an approximation.

ASPIRIN: This is spelled ASPERINE and pronounced "aspayreen"; you will also sometimes see it as "Aspegic" pronounced "aspayjeek". And there's also often good old Advil, just like at home.

FERVEX - This is your Theraflu substitute, and I find its actually a bit milder - still works as a decongestant and puts me to sleep, but doesn't quite give you that "all the water has been drained from my body" feeling I get from Theraflu/Nyquil.

STREPSILS - These are cough/sore throat drops; they come in many flavors, and do actually have some medication in them.

HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES: These are big in France, and you can find a full stock of them in most pharmacies. My husband thinks homeopathy is a farce and won't let us take them, but if they work for you, they are available all over the place in France.

You can also buy the following useful things at a pharmacie: tampons, condoms, contact lens solution, pregnancy tests, baby bottles and formula, and dental floss.

Tampons: tampon periodique (not to be confused with just "Tampon" which is an ink stamp in french...)
Condoms: preservatifs (yes, this one can get embarassing if you're talking about, say, preservatives in food....not the same thing)
Contact Lens Solution: solution nettoyante pour lentilles
Pregnancy Test:  Test de Grossesse
Baby bottle:  Biberon
Formula: Lait Artificiel
Dental Floss: Fil dentaire

Additionally, a pharmacist can often refer you to a doctor, and call an ambulance if things are really serious. They are a great first stop if you're feeling bad in France, and many speak some English, at least in Paris. 

French Pharmacies also sell high end skin and hair products, which I've been gradually exploring and which can be great deals and gifts to stock up on when you're visiting the city - more on this in another post.

THE PARIS LETTER: The Problem with Dr.Seuss

One thing that happens a lot when you're an American learning to speak French is that you unwittingly make some kind of sexual joke without realizing it, and French people laugh at you. This is because just about every word in the French language is a double entendre, no surprise there. Some of my favorite examples:

The word for "line" is "queue" but intead of pronoucing this like the letter Q, as you would in England, you pronounce it "keuh" (I guess - its still hard for me). The word that sounds like the letter Q is "Cul" which is slang for "ass". So often I'd be asking some people outside the boulangerie Is this the ass? instead of Is this the line? Super awesome.

The word for "lower" is baisser, but the slang word for "to fuck" is baiser. Got that? Bahsay - lower; Bayzay - fuck. Yes, I've messed that one up so much that I try never to ask anyone to lower anything for me ever.

This brings me, interestingly enough, to Dr.Seuss, that children's classic author that basically does not exist in France. In large part, this is because its nearly impossible to translate his awesome rhymes into French - Usually, you end up with a literal translation:

Yes, that's Green Eggs and Ham in its literal French translation. They make a good effort to translate the book into rhyming French, but its just hard - for lots of reason, but mostly because these need to be easy readers,  so you can't really reach far for a synonym.

BUT, another, perhaps lesser known reason why Dr.Seuss isn't read much in France - The name Seuss sounds the same as "Suce" which means "suck" which .... yes you guessed it....is slang for blowjob.

So one American friend of mine was telling her French husband about getting some Dr.Seuss books for their daughter, and her husband turned to her, horrified.

"Our daughter is not reading anything by someone named 'Seuss'!" he said.

Interestingly enough, there's a company here in Paris that specializes in digging holes in streets - for electrical work, etc - that call their trucks "Les Suceuses de Ouest". Yes, that means "the suckers of the West" but also....well, you get the idea. And the trucks are all PINK and have women's names. I believe one of them is even called Monica if you can believe that.

Yes! That's their ad! Its a winking elephant and the caption says "Janine, Monica, Linda and the others are ready to help you out whenever you want." Oy. 

Here's a pic of one of them on my street recently. The French, still not super up to date on the whole women's rights thing...
 

Steamin' it up: The Hammam at the Mosque de Paris

I want to warn you all: full nudity is no longer allowed at the hammam at the Mosque of Paris. And my friend Maya and I learned this the hard way.

I don't know why we thought full nudity would be allowed. I mean, its in a mosque. But we had both gone there when we visited Paris in college and I think we remembered that you could do the full naked thing then. Or maybe we just thought that because we remembered it feeling awkward, and so we were probably naked?

I'm not sure.

But in any case, the Hammam at the Mosque de Paris is really an experience not to be missed when you come to Paris, if you like new experiences and inexpensive, relaxing spa treatments. Both of which I do.

A Hammam, for my American readers, is the Turkish version of a steam bath, which means its kind of a like a communal sauna except a wet, but not dry heat (I'm not sure why I think you'll be more familiar with a communal sauna here. Maybe its because I'm Scandinavian...) Anyway, its basically a series of rooms that are heated with steam to varying degrees of hot, super hot, and hard-to-breath hot, with pools of cool water you can splash on yourself when you get overheated, and cold cold showers you can dunk yourself in afterwards.Because this Hammam is in a mosque, it is super gorgeous:

The Hammam is segregated by day, four days a week for women and two for men, and one that's "family day". You can just get a straight admission  to the steam, where you can hang out for as long as you like (or dare) gradually getting more and more relaxed and noodle-like. But  you can also get, as a package with your admission, a gommage, which is a kind of industrial strength exfoliating treatment, and a rubdown from some grandmotherly turkish ladies in crisp white uniforms. The whole thing is about 50 Euros, which while not the cheapest of the cheap, is pretty good for a unique Paris spa experience.

But here's the thing. Like with a lot of things in Paris, no one is going to tell you how this works beforehand. Unlike in US spas - at least the ones I've been to - where they take a little time to orient you and sometimes even give you a little tour of the place, the Hammam must be such a regular thing for some people that they just assume you know what you're doing. Either that, or it's their entertainment to watch the newbies stumble about. So I will impart some tips on the experience, after the jump:

THE PARIS LETTER: Getting "Bonjoured"

Montmartre Stairs

France and America - we have such a long history together, both of fascination and irritation. We love each other but we hate each other. Its very complicated - like, goes back to the Revolutionary War complicated. 

Lots of Americans feel the French are rude -they come to Paris and they try to be nice, and the French won't give them the time of day. What gives? As you get a little more deeply into the culture here, you realize that many French people find AMERICANS rude - they come here in droves, crowding into subway cars shouting in English and bumping people with their fanny packs, demanding hamburgers at 4PM and wondering why things aren't open on Sunday. 

Clearly, this is a very complex issue, too complex to really handle in a blog post. But there's one word at the center of so much of this, and that word is: Bonjour.

Yes, Bonjour, the simplest French word, the first one you learn - Hello. 

Allow me to explain, after the jump:

THE PARIS LETTER: French Top Chef and Venice Tips

Hello everyone -

So, today we will be talking about the curious and long-standing rivalry between the Brits and the French, as seen through the lens of the French version of the TV show TOP CHEF.

I know you have all probably read about how England and France hate each other, about hundreds of years of wars that occurred between these two countries, how Brittany & Normandy were occupied by thethe English for much of history, how deposed British royalty often made a home in Paris only to join up with the French to plot an invasion that inevitably failed, etc etc. Yes, these countries DO NOT like each other. It is VERY different than dislike/fascination that thethe French and Americans feel for one another. At the end of the day, French are both ANNOYED by thethe US and are FASCINATED by us - perhaps the way an uncle might be both annoyed by how much his nephew texts his friend on his iPad, but fascinated by how he manages to do all that new-fangled stuff on it. We are young upstarts, rude and uncouth but also innovators and full of energy, and this is both interesting and irritating to the French. However, with the Brits its more like deep seated sibling rivalry that is NEVER going away - both cultures have been around equally long, both enjoyed world dominance, both have significant cultural capitals - let's face it, they're basically EQUAL in terms of power, but they're still always gonna compete for who's the best in some kind of futile fight to the death.

THE PARIS LETTER: The Political Intrigue of the Job Interview

Hello everyone, Happy Oscars and Cesars weekend -

As most of you know, the Oscars are TONIGHT, but the Cesars, the French film industy's awards show, was on Friday, so we already know what the best French films of the year are, thank you very much.

As predicted, Xavier Beauvois's DES HOMMES ET DES DIEUX (OF GODS AND MEN in English) won Best Picture, as well as Best Supporting Actor and Best Cinematography - The film is being released by Sony Pictures Classics in the US and I urge you all to go see it - I saw it at Cannes last year kind of accidentally; I didn't know any of Beauvois's earlier films, and just stumbled into this screening because it was a competition film that fit into my schedule. Its a really beautiful film and one of my favorites this year - as you may have heard, it's based on true story of a group of French monks at a monastery in Algeria during thethe civil war of 1990s, and their decision over whether they should stay or leave as things became more and more harrowing for foreigners and French in particular to stay. Its a contemplative film that has a lot to say about humanitarian aid and action, but says it in a quiet and thoughtful voice. Several of thethe actors are leading stars of the film industry here - though may only be known by American audiences for their small roles in international blockbusters - the film's star, Lambert Wilson, played the creepy albino twins in the 2nd Matrix film, though he's a serious and reknowned actor here in France. Ironique, as the French would say.