THE PARIS LETTER: Helsinki

Hello everyone -

And now, the letter I know you've all been waiting for - our trip to HELSINKI. Oh, Helsinki. In Finland. Yes. Its sort of like Scandinavia, and sort of like Russia, and also it's own thing. Some of you may remember, this is a trip we postponed from November - Our friend Johanna was in Helsinki in November presenting a Translation Prize from the Susan Sontag Foundation, and we decided to go visit her - because, heck, when will we have another chance to go to Helsinki? But then I got sick, and we postponed the trip to Easter weekend - figuring it might be a better time to be in the world's second-northernmost capital (after Reykjavik).

Even at the end of April Helsinki had snow on the ground, though it was mostly melted - weather was actually beautiful when we were there, sunny and in thethe mid to high sixties, which was apparently unseasonably warm for Easter in the Finnish capital. It seemed like everyone was either out biking/running/kayaking, or sitting outside enjoying a twelve-pack of Koff beer with friends. Indeed, beer picnics seemed like the most widespread pastime - and Finland actually has decent beer, much to our surprise.

Now, Helsinki is not the most happening place - it doesn't seem to have Reykjavik's indie-artist scene, though in its defense it WAS Easter weekend, so not much of anything was going on. What it does have is a beautiful (and of course, very clean) downtown harbor and an inland bay in middle of town with a park built around it. There's water everywhere, and on a sunny day it's just a great place to walk around and explore. And that's basically how we spent the weekend.

What are the unique, fun things to do in Helsinki, you ask? Well, here is my very exclusive list:

- Go to the SUOMENLINNA MARITIME FORTRESS and BREW PUB
The Suomenlinna Maritime Fortress is Helsinki's equivalent of Governor's Island, but much cooler since it's been around for over 500 years and has been passed back and forth between Swedish and thethe Russian several times during their multiple invasions. Its a series of islands in the harbor with a sprawling military fortress, that has now been turned into a sort of mixed business/arts district. There are museums and old cannons and all of that stuff, but also artist studios and sailboat builders, and - a really good brew-pub, which was actually what made decision for us. You take thethe ferry out from the main harbor, it takes about 15 mins, and then you sit outside on the deck of the Maritime Fortress Brew Pub and just enjoy. Or, if you have kids, you let them see the big cannons and other awesome military stuff, THEN go to the brew pub.

- Check out the REINDEER PELTS and eat FISH FROM LAPLAND at the Harbor Market

Reindeer Pelts are or were big business in Finland - or at least it seems that way from the movie Matt and I saw on late-night Finnish television that involved evil Swedish smugglers clubbing Finnish woodsmen over the head and stealing their pelts (at least, we assume this is what was happening - it was in Finnish). We got more confirmation of this when we went to the Harbor Farmer's market, where you can buy whole pelts AND also lots of fried fish balls and battered small fish. Its just like a normal farmers market - but totally different.

- FIGURE OUT HOW TO PRONOUNCE SOME FINNISH WORDS, and/or JUST LAUGH AT HOW WEIRD THE LANGUAGE IS

In the midst of all this, there's the Finnish language, which is sort of like German in terms of LENGTH of its words, but as if all thethe letters were randomly replaced. So its long, complex, and completely incomprehensible. See below the picture of Matt sitting above the Yksiyitsalue! sign, which means Private Way or Restricted Access or something. FInland is the only country that I've been to so far where I've not even been able to learn how to say Please and Thank You, or Hello and Goodbye while I was there. The confusion was compounded by the fact that I guess Matt and I LOOK Finnish enough that everyone kept speaking to us in Finnish and assuming we understood.

The nice thing is that absolutely everyone speaks English, so you're not totally lost - just when you try to read the signs.

- EAT FINNISH FOOD

Now, interestingly enough, the Finns seem to have moved away from their own cuisine, because it seemed like every restaurant in town was from another culture - LOTS of Thai food, and (as you'll see below) lots of American/Mexican food. Also a strange amount of Tiki bars - like Trader Vics type places with piped in tropical bird sounds and pupu platters. Finnish food itself (which seems to resemble also the cuisine of Western Canada, perhaps - kind of lumberjack-y) can be found at the crazy restaurant Zetor, a sort of Soviet era -Hard Rock Cafe, which celebrates Zetor tractors and logs in the same glitzy/glam fashion that Hard Rock celebrates the leather jacket from Terminator. Does that make sense? Its like a tractor filled nightclub where you can get sausages "cooked in the sauna pail" or reindeer steak with onions. And beer.

There's also some decent higher-end food - we ate at Restaurant Juuri, which is a very nice, unpretentious bistro that serves Finnish "sapas" - their version of Tapas, small plates with things like crayfish-stuffed cabbage in dill and butter, mushroom soup, and reindeer pate - all of it very good and not too expensive.

- OR EAT AMERICAN FOOD

We actually ate really decent hamburgers at Chico's American Bistro, a Finnish chain that seems like a well studied version of TGIFridays, but maybe somewhat better because they served Sierra Nevada AND Brooklyn Lager. Even Matt was impressed. For whatever reason, we were both craving that American chain restaurant experience. What can I say, sometimes you can only have so much reindeer steak.

WATCH OLD AMERICAN MOVIES YOU FORGOT EXISTED

Does anyone remember THE PHANTOM with Billy Zane? Anyone? The 1996 Superhero film that also starred Kristy Swanson and Treat Williams? No? A film that grossed a whole $17.6 million in domestic release? Well, Finnish television is here for you - this and many other random studio films from the 80s and 90s can be yours every night starting at 10PM. We also got to see THE GINGERBREAD MAN, a lesser Robert Altman film featuring Kenneth Branagh as a Southern lawyer! Remember when Kenneth Branagh was a big movie star, after Henry V? This will only work if you're older that, say, 32 -- Matt didn't remember Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson as an It Couple at all. You have to remember this to have any idea why anyone would have cast Kenneth Branagh as a Southern man. It was still a bad call.

Anyway there was also some good stuff - FULL METAL JACKET, which I'd never seen before - but by and large it was a smorgasbord of random movies that smacked of my pre-teen years. Maybe this isn't so interesting to all of you who have cable, but after 6 months without a TV, even randomly bad American movies were a treat.

AND .... Something NOT to do :

- DO NOT EAT MEXICAN FOOD

Unfortunately, our experience at Chicos made us a little cocky, and the next day we went to AMARILLOS, a Tex-Mex grill. I know, I know. It was a bad idea. Now, remember how I mentioned that there are a lot of Tiki Bars in Helsinki? Well, it seems like that Polynesian influence has made it into their mexican food - like, somehow the two seem the same to the Finns - because my burrito involved chicken, cheese sauce, guacomole and pineapple chunks. And not much else. No rice, no beans, etc. It was like velveeta plus pineapple. Please, I beg of you, do not make this mistake. Not that you would, because most people would be smart enough to not order Mexican food in Finland .... but, alas, I was not one of those people.

So there you have it: beer picnics, sea fortresses, reindeer pelts, Billy Zane, and tropical mexican food. Just another weekend in Scandinavia....

Lots of love and hope everyone has a great week!

xoxo CTL
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