THE PARIS LETTER: The Sad Truth about Martinis in Paris

Well, while I'm on my food and drink kick this week - it must be some residual Thanksgiving-ness percolating through me - I'll go forth and discuss something you CAN'T get here, or I should say something I definitely haven't found here, and that is a good martini.

Oh Martini, where have you gone?

Oh, Martini, why are you so delicious, yet so challenging?

Really, what is weird to French people I think is that you'd want that much cold alcohol all at once. I do have some French film business friends who are constantly drinking vodka on ice at Cannes and staying up all night, but they're sort of considered wild and crazy.

Whereas this used to be my Friday night after work drink in New York City.

Here are a few things that might happen when you order a martini in Paris - all true stories by the way!

1. You ask for a martini with olives and are brought a glass of sweet vermouth with olives in it.
What? Isn't that what you asked for? It says "Martini" right on the bottle. Right next to 'Rossi". What's the problem?

2. Having learned from this experience, you ask the next bartender if he knows how to make a martini, and he says, "Sure, I've got lots of Martinis. Red martini, white martini, what would you like?" You quickly realize he means vermouth - again. Oh dear. You try to explain how to make a Martini New York-ais: Very cold gin, just a little vermouth, some olives. Oh, like James Bond! he says. Yes. like James Bond, if James Bond's bartender had to go to another part of the hotel for glassware and liquor and came back twenty minutes later with your drink. That was about 50% vermouth but to it's credit definitely had some gin in it. And the glass was big.

If you like Martini Coladas...

3. Go to LE GLASS, a  hip cocktail bar in your neighborhood that was recently written up on a cocktail blog. Find out that it serves draft beer and cocktails that come from those alcoholic-slushie machines you find in New Orleans. 

Get worried when you see that the only Martini-like drink on the menu is something called the Martinez, which includes gin, vermouth, MARASCHINO and ORANGE BITTERS, and seems to come a PRESSION which means on tap which means - a martini from one of these alcoholic slushie machines??? What is this world coming to?

But then you explain you just want a simple martini to the bartender and she seems to get it, and gives you a reasonable version, in the correct glass with olives.

But still with way too much vermouth.

Stay tuned, I'm still on the hunt. I'm headed to someplace called THE EXPERIMENTAL COCKTAIL CLUB next.